


Everything Will Definitely Be All Right

by Phoenicia



Category: Free!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Christmas, Day 7, Filling In the Gaps, Fluff, M/M, Rin loves mahou shoujo, Romance, Shark OTP falling in love, SouRin Week 2015, Special Occasions, also hits days 1-4, mild pining, samezuka dorks, six years of SouRin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenicia/pseuds/Phoenicia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas in Japan is a day to be spent with one’s most special person, thus it should be spent with Rin.</p><p>Or, how to fall in love with your best friend and have no idea how to admit it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Will Definitely Be All Right

Christmas in Japan is a day to be spent with one’s most special person.

Sousuke is around seven years old when he first learns that the December holiday has different connotations in different parts of the world. He isn’t sure he understands all of the religious implications, it’s so foreign and weird, so not-Japanese, but he files it away with the rest of the learned information he considers unimportant: on some dusty, rarely-used neuron in the back corner of his brain, preserved only so he doesn’t flounder if put on the spot someday but with no expectation of ever being referenced again.

Christmas in Japan is a day to be spent with one’s most special person, thus it should be spent with Rin.

Their parents don’t consider any of their children old enough to take part in the dating traditions of Christmas Eve, and thus over the years it has evolved into a day generally spent with Rin’s mother at Rin’s house in a strange amalgamation of Japanese and Western customs involving trees and snowmen and games and Christmas cake. Sousuke brings a visiting gift for Rin’s mother that is more elaborate and fancy than his usual ones (a subtle ‘thank-you’ from his parents, who often take this time to spend together), a brightly-wrapped present for Gou (always cute and girly because she’s sensitive about her boyish name), and something special for Rin. Sousuke always spends quite a bit of time deciding on Rin’s gift, because it’s Christmas, and Christmas is for one’s most special person and Sousuke can think of no person more special to him than Rin. Even when they fight (all the time), even when they compete (also all the time), there is no one else Sousuke wants beside him.

The Christmas Sousuke is twelve, Rin is eleven (‘twelve in two months!!’) and Gou ten. The day falls on a Tuesday, overcast and cloudy with a hint of more snow to come. Sousuke bundles into his heavy jacket and scarf, shoulders his backpack with the presents in it. His mother sneaks in a hair ruffle before pulling on his blue and white polka dotted knit hat, being sure his ears are covered. The corners of her mouth curve up gently, almost wistful as she kisses his cheek and tells him to have a good Christmas. There’s something faint and sad in her face, and for just a moment Sousuke considers staying home; his mother, while special in a different way from Rin, is one of his most special people, and it seems unfair to leave when she looks that way. Is it something with today? Something with Father? Maybe she thinks Rin hasn’t told him about moving to Iwatobi yet? But she’s steering him by the shoulders across the genkan, his boots making soft thuds on the tataki, and the chance to ask passes. “I’m off,” he says by rote.

“Be safe,” his mother replies, releasing him to chilly air and a short walk to the Matsuoka house.

Sousuke’s breath makes fierce clouds as he exhales, the few blocks passing quickly. Their town is never a bastion of activity, but today it seems even more subdued, almost deserted in its landscape of white. He hears a single vehicle pass on the street about half a kilometer away (a Toyota Granvia diesel 2.4L by the sound of it, Sousuke’s father is something of a gearhead and the ear for engines appears to be genetic), but despite the time of day he doesn’t encounter another human. A brown dog gives him an inquisitive whuff from behind a fence, head tilting to better observe him. It seems a small gesture, but everyone should have a Christmas treat; Sousuke fishes a spare piece of squid jerky out of his backpack and tosses it over the fence. The dog gobbles it with glee, pink tongue licking away any crumbs. It barks once, as if in thanks, and trots around to the side of its house as Sousuke continues across the street to the Matsuoka residence.

He rings the bell and Rin’s mother answers, cherry hair swishing loose around her face. “Sousuke-kun, come inside, it’s cold.” She has a bit of the same expression his mother did; her mouth is happier but her eyes are tighter. He asks her to forgive his intrusion and she waves an absent hand, glancing back across her shoulder while he sits on the genkan’s edge to remove his boots, glad he stamped his feet thoroughly before entering. While it is the genkan’s purpose to keep the outside from coming in, it still feels rude to leave a lot of wet behind.

“Today might be a challenge,” she begins, and it is only then that Sousuke realizes neither Rin nor Gou have bounded to greet him. “Rin has a cold and it’s made him very grumpy, but he cried when I called your mother, he didn’t want to spend Christmas without you.” That explains his mother’s face; Sousuke is glad nothing was really wrong as he shrugs out of his coat and gloves. “Please be patient with him?” A loud sneeze echoes down the hallway, following by the most pathetic, self-pitying groan Sousuke has ever heard. He nods agreement and her eyes relax a little, her hands pulling his hat off for him and ruffling his hair. It must be a mother thing, Sousuke thinks, standing and sliding on his guest slippers. No one else does that to his hair.

“Hey, Sousuke.” A walking clump of magenta fabric ambles into view. Rin has the shark comforter from his bed draped around him like a hooded cloak and clutched with one hand under his chin, his neck swaddled in a scarf, a pale pink sweatshirt that might be Gou’s and a surgical mask completing the look. His eyes are bleary and fever-bright, a cooling patch stuck to his forehead. He looks ludicrous, he looks miserable, but it’s Christmas and despite being sick the corners of his eyes crinkle up with delight now that Sousuke is here. He holds out one pale fist meaningfully.

“Rin,” his mother scolds. “Hands and germs.”

“Oh, right, sorry.” Rin’s hand ducks under the comforter, still extended towards Sousuke but now as a blob of sharks. Sousuke chuckles and bumps the shark-fist with his own. And just like that, Christmas officially begins.

Gou all but tackles Sousuke when he and Rin enter the living room. “Sousuke-kun! You came! Onii-chan tried to spoil Christmas by getting sick, but I’ve been taking good care of him.” She is wearing a cute pink outfit and sports her Nurse Angel Ririka cosplay cap and her light-up baton. The DVDs are actually Rin’s (and one of his favorite shows) but Gou pretends they’re hers to save his dignity. Sousuke suspects the cosplay items are really Rin’s as well. “I think my baton may be out of green vaccine, though,” she says, giving it a shake and a frown. “He hasn’t gotten better yet.” She pulls Sousuke down for a whisper, crimson eyes serious. “Onii-chan is being stubborn.”

“When is he not? We’ll have to team up.” He would offer her a fistbump, but that’s Rin’s and Rin’s alone, so Sousuke settles for gently tapping her nose with his forefinger. “Got your back, Bitty.”

 

* * *

 

Snow starts falling about an hour later and Sousuke pulls the curtain open in Rin’s room, face blooming into a delighted smile. The snowflakes are perfect, fat and wet as they descend to cover the yard with a new blanket of white. He and Gou beam and turn to Rin, calling his name. Rin squints at the extra light and abruptly sneezes. He and the shark comforter have been properly tucked back in bed by Gou along with a party hat on his head, though he looks anything but festive.  He would rather roughhouse and play video games with them than “resting”, but colossal grumpiness can’t disguise that he feels bad. In between turns of their current card game (she’s beating the pants off both of them), Gou twirls a piece of her hair around her finger and fusses at Rin to take his medicine. “You’ll feel better if you take it, Onii-chan.”

“I don’t wanna!” Rin scowls and tosses his cards to the floor; his hand is terrible, anyways. “It makes me _soooo_ sleepy.” So does talking about it, if Rin’s yawn-cough can be trusted.

“Better sleepy than sniffly.” She climbs on the bed with him and her little hand palms his hot cheek. “Your fever is up again, too. Just take it, please?” Gou bites her lower lip between her teeth, blinking at him with concern.

“Ugh, don’t start with the stupid Baby Sister Eyes.” Rin scowls harder and sinks down under the comforter to escape, frustration taking over his flushed face. The Matsuoka siblings are very close and Rin tends to give in when it comes to Gou. Today is an exception; he’s having none of his sister’s cajoling. Stubborn, indeed.

Sousuke gives Gou a conspiratorial look and she bounces out of the room with a wink, ostensibly to check the Christmas cake in the refrigerator and finish wrapping presents. “So,” he says, putting his cards neatly down in front of him as if Rin has not just torpedoed the game, “you wanna have a throwdown for it?” Challenge blooms across his face along with his best smirk, blood in the water he knows Rin cannot resist. “You win, you don’t have to take your medicine.” Dramatic pause. “But if I win….”

“Just shut up and throw down.”

“That’s not fair, stupid Sousuke! You weren’t supposed to _win_!” Rin scrubs his wrist across his mouth and whines about how bitter and disgusting the medicine is. In full pout, he buries his face in the honey ginger lemon tea left by his mother, doing his level best not to cry. Thinking about all those times and all those throwdowns where Sousuke never complained, he somehow manages to swallow pride and medicine together, but he is close to reaching his limit. Today should have been a special Christmas (maybe the last one he’ll have with Sousuke) and he has already ruined it by being sick. Plus, now he’s taken medicine that will put him to sleep when he should be spending time with his best friend. It’s just not fair. Rin puts the tea down and sighs shakily, catching the sob with his teeth before it can escape. His eyes are burning with unshed tears, traitorous rivers collecting just above his eyelashes and threatening to spill in a flood.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Sousuke sits down at the foot of the bed, crossing his legs under him. The hem on his pants raises to almost mid-calf, showing off his striped socks. “Gou and I don’t mind if you sleep for a while, I’m not going to go home.”

Rin’s watery eyes raise to meet Sousuke’s, the blush a dead giveaway; Sousuke can always read him like this week’s issue of Jump. “I’m not crying,” Rin retorts, sniffling hard. “My stupid nose is just running out of my eyes.”

“Yeah, that happens sometimes.” Sousuke nudges the tissue box towards Rin, letting him keep the lie intact. “Blow and it should stop.” Rin does just that, tossing the tissue carnage towards the trash can and tucking the mask up over his nose and mouth. “You can open your present now,” Sousuke continues, voice infinitely gentle and surrounding Rin like a warm blanket. He places a small box wrapped in knotted green silk in Rin’s lap, quiet sentiment bubbling in his ocean eyes.

“Y-You should go first,” Rin says, a sudden flood of awkwardness making his chest tight and his face red again. It isn’t uncomfortable for Sousuke to look at him, but today it gives him this weird fluttering inside he doesn’t quite understand. He looks down at the box, at his own fingers tensing on the knot in anticipation. He wants to open it, but Sousuke’s so much better at picking presents than him, so much more thoughtful. Whenever Rin opens first, he always feels like a lousy best friend compared to Sousuke. He’s never used furoshiki to wrap a gift in his life.

“You lost the throwdown,” Sousuke reminds with a smug grin. He leans back against the wall, long legs stretching across the width of the bed. “So you open first.”

“I didn’t know we were throwing down for that, too.” Rin sniffles again and yawns, squaring his shoulders and forcing the embarrassment down his throat. “Okay, me first.” The green furoshiki is soft and welcoming to the touch, definitely silk and likely a leftover from one of Sousuke’s grandmother’s kimono. The knots part under his fingers, revealing a gift box with a hinged box inside it. He makes a curious sound and pulls it out, opening it with care. Inside is a long, thin cord of what feels like brown leather, with a silver pendant. It’s flat on the front, squared off on the bottom and shiny, from the side it curves in what looks almost like a skinny magatama shape. Rin runs his fingers over it, discovering what feels like engraving on the back. He flips it over, tracing down the phrase with awe. “Sakura’s magic spell,” he whispers, almost reverently. “ _Zettai ni daijoubu_.”

_Everything will definitely be all right._

“You remembered....”

“How could I not?” Card Captor Sakura is tied with Ririka for Rin’s favorite magical girls show, and Sousuke has heard Rin reciting Sakura’s magic spell under his breath all through elementary school whenever something bothers him. “Y-You’re going away, not just to Iwatobi but to Australia.” Sousuke isn’t sure he truly knows how much ocean is in between Japan and Australia, but it is a _lot_. “And I won’t be there with you, and Gou won’t be there, and your mom won’t be there. It’s going to be hard and I know you may get discouraged sometimes, but...it’s for your dream. Your dad’s dream. So everything will definitely be all right...right?”

“Right.” Rin’s voice vibrates and neither of them mentions the tears.

Sousuke rubs his shoulder with one hand, shifting position on the bed. “I wasn’t sure that just the spell would be enough to protect you, so I went to the Misagozaki shrine in Iwatobi and I talked with the priest there.” He draws his knees up, forearms resting along the tops of them. “I know they don’t normally do blessings except for families at Hatsumode, and he was very nice when he explained that to me...”

_“Please!” Sousuke doesn’t think he has ever bowed so low in his life. “I know it’s irregular, and I know it’s very selfish of me to ask, but...my friend, my **best** friend, he’s moving away. First to here in Iwatobi, then to Australia. I won’t be there to look after him.” Sousuke hasn’t planned what to say beyond asking for the blessing in the politest keigo possible, but avalanches of words just keep falling out of his mouth. “He’s stubborn and he has a girly name and he cries easily and he gets in fights and he’s stupid and competitive and selfish and there are a lot of times I don’t even know why I like him so much, but he’s the most important person in the world to me and I want him to be safe until he comes back.” Until we can swim together again._

_The priest maintains respectful silence until Sousuke next draws breath, and his wizened voice is warm in the December chill. “Your friend, he has a girly name and cries easily?” Still in bow, Sousuke nods. “That reminds me of someone I haven’t thought of in a very long time, my best friend in primary school. His name was Kaede--a little girly--and he tended to cry over everything. His father was in the navy and they moved away during the war, we lost touch after that but so many people did in those days…” He clears his throat and bids Sousuke to stand up, his age-worn face creased in a fond, reminiscent smile. “It’s not what we normally do at this shrine, but I can see how important he is to you. Sending one’s best friend off should have a special blessing.” He holds gentle hands out to receive the box tightly clutched in Sousuke’s trembling fingers. “What do you have that you want to give to him?”_

“...but then he agreed.” Sousuke’s smile is warm and vibrant, lighting up Rin’s room. Rin’s weird fluttering hurries back again; it’s fever and roller coasters and the most perfect lap of butterfly all at once. “He said it’s for safe travel, and doing well in school, and protection. Your own omamori and your own magic spell.” He gently takes the necklace from Rin, tugging the leather until it lengthens. “The knots here let you adjust the length of the cord; you can make it longer to put it over your head and then shorten it to where you want to wear it. That way you can wear it not just now but in the future. When we’re older.”

Rin feels he might burst from all that pulsing tension in his chest, but it would be a happy way to die. “Help me put it on?” He unwinds the voluminous scarf, dropping it in his lap, and Sousuke moves to sit cross-legged in front of him, facing Rin. Sousuke slips the leather over his head and it hangs to almost Rin’s waist. Snickering, he pulls the knots until the pendant nestles just below the hollow of Rin’s throat. A pale hand closes over the pendant, feeling it warm to his body temperature. “Everything will definitely be all right...no matter what.”

Sousuke suddenly finds himself with an armful of Matsuoka, Rin wrapped around him and murmuring “Thank you thank you” over and over. “It’s the best Christmas present ever.” Rin’s breath is hot against Sousuke’s neck, hot enough to send chills down his spine. He pulls back, and even through the mask Sousuke swears he can see all of Rin’s sharky teeth in a blissed-out smile.

“...do you ever say anything that isn’t over-the-top romantic, loser?” Sousuke starts laughing and Rin shoves him in protest, but it only makes Sousuke laugh harder, falling onto his side.

“Shut _up_ , stupid Sousuke! And stop laughing! You give me an awesome present and then you laugh at me. You’re the worst friend ever!”

“As if.” Sousuke’s stomach hurts from laughing, but he manages to crawl back into a sitting position. “I’m the best friend you will ever have and you know it.” He buries his hands in the mass of scarf, draping it around Rin’s neck once more. “Bundle back up before you get pneumonia.” The pendant is neatly tucked beneath the scarf, almost like it’s a special secret just between them. A secret spell to mark the way through their time apart.

“Do you want some cake?” Gou reappears in the doorway, pigtail at attention. “Mom will cut it if we’re ready.”

Rin makes a disgusted eyeroll and shakes his head, collapsing back against the pillows with a dramatic yawn. “I’m too tired to eat cake. Can’t we eat it later?”

“Okay.” She slides across the room, pouncing into an unoccupied part of Rin’s bed. “So what do you want to do now, Onii-chan?”

“Dunno. Nap, probably.”

“Hey…” Sousuke says, grinning at them both, “how about some Ririka? I don’t think Gou would mind if we put it on.”

“I don’t mind~!” Gou shrieks, diving for the box set. It’s always best to start from the beginning, so the player gobbles disk 1, pausing only long enough on the menu for her to select ‘play all’. She flops down on her stomach in front of the TV, socked feet bobbing in time with the opening theme.

Rin starts to doze before the eyecatch but he blinks awake when the ending starts. “One more?” he says hopefully. The mask has slid down to his chin and his mouth pulls in a sleepy smile.

“Pause! Bathroom!” Gou throws down the remote and sprints out of the room in a pinwheel of need-to-pee arms and legs, leaving them alone.

Sousuke scoots farther down on the bed beside Rin, who has turned on his side in boneless contentment. The party hat lies forgotten near the pillow. “Do you really like it?” His voice is hesitant and strangely unsure as he pats Rin’s scarf, the necklace nestled underneath.

“I love it.” Rin’s face lights up with genuine delight. Sousuke loves seeing him smile like this, he thinks to himself that Rin should always be smiling and full of enthusiasm. It’s a mesmerizing sight, the curve of Rin’s mouth and the berry color of his lips. “I can’t take you to Iwatobi or Australia with me, but this way...you’ll be there, too. I’m gonna make the best relay team possible, and I’m gonna live out Dad’s Olympic dream.” His eyes sparkle, no longer from fever but from pure excitement and pure Matsuoka drive. “And I’m gonna stand on the world stage someday together with you.” He makes a victory fist towards Sousuke but a second later hesitates and pulls back, biting his lip. “Sorry, hands and germs.”

“Don’t care.” Sousuke reaches to complete the fistbump, then their hands flop down together on the bed, not quite entwined but still touching. “Besides, as much as you call me stupid, I think I’m immune to your colds.”

“Stupid Sousuke.” Rin fondly curls his fingers to rest against Sousuke’s hoodie and knees him through the comforter. He’s relaxed and drowsy, dark lashes at feathery half-mast over crimson eyes. “Will you sing along with the opening for me?”

“Only if you promise not to cry.”

“Can’t help it, it’s sad. Who puts such a sad song as the opening to a magical girl anime?”

“Studio Gallop, apparently.”

“Mm.” Rin blinks slower and more languorous the longer they lie there, a kitten trying not to fall asleep and just barely succeeding. “I like your voice, it sounds so nice. It’s going to be amazing when we grow up.”

“Go to sleep, Rin.” Sousuke’s cheeks bloom with heat as he looks away, but he doesn’t move or pull his hand from Rin’s.

“I’m back!” Gou announces, flying back into the room and resuming her flop position. She puts her Angel Cap on again and twists around to look at Sousuke and Rin. Her eyes brighten and she gives Sousuke a gleeful thumbs-up; they’ve tag-teamed on her brother and he’ll finally get some rest. She points back to the TV and Sousuke nods. He did agree to sing, after all. Rin makes a contented sound and slides closer to Sousuke as the song starts, and Sousuke does his best to focus on singing well and not on the lonely melancholy lyrics. Sometime in the second episode he also drifts to sleep with Rin’s hand in his.

_When you’re falling in love, you can be hurt so easily…._

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, Rin introduces himself and his girly name at Iwatobi Elementary. Three months later, Sousuke sees him off as he leaves for Australia, agreeing to think about what he wants for their ‘I’ll-give-you-anything’ promise. He watches as as the bus drives away to the airport, and he can’t help but wonder if Rin found what he sought in his relay, if he saw that sight he’d never seen that he talked about. _I know you are chasing your dream. If you couldn’t find what you need to get there in the relay with Iwatobi, I hope you find it across the sea. I’ll work even harder and be ready to meet you when you come back, Rin. Everything will definitely be all right._

Rin’s letters stop coming just after Sousuke’s birthday. A card (all in English) with a letter written in fiercer, messier handwriting than Rin’s normal is the last one he receives. Sousuke checks the box every day without fail until mid-December. None of his letters or packages have been returned, so Rin is out there somewhere, but after three months Sousuke knows Rin won’t write back. Still, Christmas is coming and that means Rin is coming home. It’s the one day they will certainly spend together no matter what. He’ll listen to Rin talk about the wall he’s hit, he’ll find some way to challenge him and get him back to himself, and push, pull, boost or catapult him over the wall towards his dream. That is what Rin needs and that is what Sousuke will do. Rin is his most special person, after all.

The phone at his house never rings during winter break. Rin’s house is dark and the doorbell goes unanswered on December 24th. Sousuke walks back home alone with Rin’s present a heavy weight in his backpack. His own parents are out, so he puts the shiny red box under his bed, the beginning of a collection of things to give to Rin someday.

Nanase Haruka and Tachibana Makoto quit the Iwatobi Middle School swimming club sometime during the winter term. Sousuke barely notices their absence at the next meet. His mind is full of Rin and Australia and the wall Rin has hit that now exists between the two of them. There is no other reason Rin would forego Christmas or stop writing. He hopes the necklace and the spell are still protecting Rin.

Gou calls him in February, the day after Rin’s birthday. Her voice aches with loneliness as she tells Sousuke she can’t wait to be in Sano Middle so they can be at school together again. ‘It’s not the same without you,’ she laments, but they both know she means Rin, too. Sousuke doesn’t mind, he has the same emptiness and Gou has always been better about giving voice to these things. “I missed you at Christmas, but...we had to go. It was kind of sudden. I still have your present.”

“Keep it until Sano Middle’s opening ceremony, we can exchange then.” That will probably start some rumors that she’s his girlfriend; Sousuke can’t bring himself to care. Let people think what they will, a fake girlfriend and a broody glare should keep any confessions away.

“Okay.” There’s a quiet Matsuoka sniff over the line, one so much like Rin Sousuke feels his heart seize up with longing in his chest. He misses that stupid crybaby _so_ much. Is there any way he could afford a plane ticket to Australia on his allowance? “Sousuke-kun?”

“...yeah?”

“....I’m so sorry.” Her voice shakes and trembles, but unlike her brother Gou doesn’t cry.

“Me too, Bitty. Me too.” He hopes Gou doesn’t hear the wobble of emotion in his own voice, which has been doing an awkward hopscotch between tenor and baritone for about a month. Puberty sucks, but it’s a good excuse. “See you in April.”

He and Gou grow closer as Rin runs farther away from both of them, and while the Matsuoka Christmas falls by the wayside they keep up the dating charade at school. In a twisted sort of way, it lets both of them feel less abandoned and less alone. Each year, he buys her something girly, and another present joins the red one under Sousuke’s bed. Rin’s absence is no excuse to eschew tradition. Someday Rin will come back and they will spend Christmas Eve together again and _everything will definitely be all right_.

Sousuke graduates from Sano Middle and gives Gou his first button. The second he saves in a small box between three other presents for that abstract ‘someday’, even when the beginnings of doubt creep into his certainty. Three years without a word from Rin. Tokitsu’s acceptance letter comes just before Christmas and now Sousuke heads off to boarding school in Tokyo with a few bags of necessities and his first cellphone (with only five numbers programmed: his house, his parents’ cellphones, Rin’s house, and Gou’s new cellphone). If Rin will not return to him, he must go to Rin, and water is the only way to reach him. With his strength and his skills, he knows he can beat Rin, but he doesn’t exactly want to beat him; he wants to swim beside him, challenging him, throwing down again and again as they get faster and faster and leave everyone else behind. To stand on that world stage, together, just the two of them.

He’s given it a lot of thought and Sousuke still doesn’t understand Rin’s obsession with the relay and _nakama_ when swimming is just you alone in the water, but he knows it’s something Rin needs to feel close to his dad and his dad’s dream. As someone who has a living father, Sousuke doesn’t feel it’s his place to criticize Rin about this; Rin never talks much about his father except in abstract, wistful, candyfloss terms, but enough sleepovers with enough nightmares about people close to Rin drowning tell the real story.

_They were eight the first time he held Rin tightly wrapped in his arms after a nightmare, all but smothering his smaller body into his chest to keep the sobs from carrying and bringing parents. “It’s okay, Rin,” Sousuke repeats over and over. “It’s just a dream. I didn’t drown, you didn’t fail.”_

_“It was so **real**! You drowned, just like my dad. Because of me. It’s always because of me.” Anguish replaces Rin’s normal brash optimism, pulsing like a living thing with each shuddering sob.  “If...if I hadn’t been born, Dad would have gotten his dream.” He picks his head up from Sousuke’s chest, his face wet everywhere, red eyes puffy and eyelashes in spiky clumps. “Am I going to take your dreams away, too?”  _

_Rin’s voice is broken and everything in Sousuke **aches** when he speaks. Rin cries a lot, often over stupid things like losing a race or a sakura tree or sad TV shows, but this is different. This is Rin’s heart bleeding, this is grief and vulnerability Rin can never burden his mother or Gou with, this is splintering cracks appearing inside Sousuke’s chest because Rin hurts so much._

_If it costs him everything, he never wants to see Rin cry like this again._

 

* * *

 

Sousuke stumbles alone out of the swimming stadium for the regionals, vainly thumbing at his eyes. The pressure in his chest and his shoulder are overwhelming, and he has no idea what sort of tears these are. Frustration, loss, anguish are the first sensations in the choked tension in his throat, bitterness and anger flooding around them. Jealousy--of Rin’s arms so desperately clasped around Nanase in victory--and sweet relief round out the emotional cocktail, leaving him drunk and swaying with it all.

Seeing Rin struggling in vain, unable to climb out of the pool, spins his world on its axis, and it is only his momentary hesitation in chasing after him that traps Sousuke in an alcove when Rin explodes and runs away, voice frozen in his throat and helpless to aid the person who means more to him than anyone. Time and separation suddenly mean nothing, this is Rin and he’s in pain and _everything is so fucking far from all right._

And Sousuke still can’t follow him, to Australia or in the water or to the international stage. Or after Rin’s retreating, despondent back, getting farther and farther away while Sousuke stands still. On feet of clay that crumble more with every step, Sousuke makes it back inside, the haze clearing just enough to watch the medley relay. To watch Rin stepping into place with Iwatobi to swim third on their team. To throw away his ties to Samezuka and swim for his friends, swim with his friends. His butterfly explodes with passion and power, transforming him in an instant of wet from mortal to hero. His recovery stroke all but soars from the water, his push and pull cutting a bold path beneath it. Sousuke knows butterfly and Rin’s is a thing of beauty, So different from his hesitant freestyle, only the peek of raspberry hair beneath his cap when he surfaces even hints that the two are the same person.

Rin when he swims this way is the most amazing sight Sousuke has ever seen. And he wants, _wants_ to be part of it. He squares his shoulders and adds a new reason for tears to his cocktail, one he has abandoned for some time. Hope.

It takes him a week of mentally walking the distance between his house and the Matsuoka house to type out the text to Gou. His phone rings less than ten seconds later, her excited Iwatobi-accented “Sousuke-kun!” ringing in his ear. He hasn’t known until then just how much he missed her and the Matsuoka flair. “You loser, why do you never call or text? Is Tokyo so big and wonderful that you’ve forgotten all about home?”

He laughs, cradling the phone against his good shoulder. “Tokyo is fine, not sure it’s what I expected but that’s life. Besides, there’s two non-callers here, Bitty,” Sousuke reminds, earning a fierce Matsuoka denial. “How’s your team?”

She groans dramatically but Sousuke can hear the pride and the joy in it. “Ugh, would you believe it? They pulled some crazy stunt at regionals and got themselves disqualified, even though they finished first. After all the work I put in, too!”

“Must have been something,” he agrees, chuckling along with her. “Was it worth it?”

Her voice gets soft and airy, content in a way that makes his heart stutter. “Yeah, it was. I can’t even be mad at them.”

“That’s good, then. They’ve got next year, right?” Sousuke reaches for his bad shoulder with one hand. What would it be like for him to have next year, too, to be racing in those same waters? To have Rin’s smiles and joyful tears for his own again? To understand this envious ache in his chest that urges him to run after Rin, no matter what, no matter where? Is there any way this impossible new dream to swim with Rin could come true?

“You bet! I’ve already made up a menu that’s going to have them training until they drop. And it’s not too soon to start. Except they’re all gone until Obon and I don’t get any good muscle watching.” Gou sighs deeply, sheer disappointment coming through the connection. “You’re probably training with your team in Tokyo. Oniichan left with his team yesterday, Samezuka’s doing uber hard training for nationals in Kyoto.”

At least Rin is trying to mend fences at Samezuka after that recklessness and get his dream back on track. The race and the difference it made in Rin had been a beautiful, magical thing to see, but the risky foolishness and the threat to his future the Iwatobi team dragged him into makes Sousuke grind his teeth before remembering which Matsuoka is on the phone. “Actually, no. I’m here in Sano for a couple days before I go back.”

“Then why are we on the phone? Come over!”

“I can’t,” he smoothly lies, slipping on his shoes and soundlessly picking up his keys. “I’m already downtown. Why don’t you meet me at that place by the conbini in fifteen? I’ll buy you the special parfait.”

“You know me, I’ll never turn down ice cream.”

One hour and half of a special parfait (a massive, pancreas-stunning concoction of berries, chocolate, delicate cookies and ice cream) later, Gou has filled Sousuke in on Rin and Samezuka, Iwatobi and her team, the relay and the aftermath, and Sousuke has neatly misdirected most of her questions about Tokitsu and Tokyo. He isn’t sure he feels any more kindly disposed towards the Iwatobi group, but they are Gou’s friends and have been there for her when he couldn’t and Rin wouldn’t. The last thing Sousuke would do is hurt her by criticizing them to her face. Bitty doesn’t deserve that from him, she’s already been through so much with Rin.

“I wasn’t expecting him to join their relay team, but now that I’ve had a bit to ponder it, I think the relay was the only thing to get through to him.”

“Only the relay, huh?” It...hurts, cutting deep and private. Sousuke feeds it ice cream, hoping to freeze out the feeling.

“I called you when Onii-chan first came home,” Gou reminds him primly, “before he even decided where to go to school. I didn’t know what to do when you wouldn’t call him. And I remembered the relay he swam in sixth grade with them, how happy he was, how happy they all were.” Gou twirls her spoon in the parfait, gathering chocolate and ice cream and berries into a typhoon-shaped swirl. “I hadn’t seen him genuinely happy since then, so it had to be connected, I thought. And that’s when I started putting a swim team together, to get my brother back.”

The ice cream dulls the pain but only marginally. “Do you think it helped? Is he more himself?”

“Much. It’s been so long since Onii-chan has actually _talked_ to me.” Gou sucks in a deep breath, pulling the reins on her emotions. “I missed him so much, and with you in Tokyo I was really lonely. It was hard enough with him gone, but when you left...I didn’t have anyone.”

“Gou…” That stuns Sousuke to silence, because while he knew she missed Rin desperately, it never entered his mind that she would miss him just as much. “Bitty...I’m so sorry…” The full truth is on his tongue, desperate to be spoken when her crimson eyes lift to his, so like Rin’s and yet so different. Rin went away from him, but Gou never did, Sousuke thinks.

“It’s all right, I know you have been working towards your goal. Did I see your name on the top ten list for butterfly in one of the magazines? That’s so great, Sousuke-kun!” Gou lights up, genuinely happy for him, and it may be selfish and cowardly to swallow the admission, but he can’t crush that joyful look on her face. “You and Onii-chan will definitely meet again on the world stage.”

They pause conversation for more ice cream, the parfait slowly disappearing between them. Gou balances a sliced strawberry on her spoon atop a glob of whipped cream, seemingly absorbed in its seeded beauty. “So how long have you been in love with my brother, Sousuke-kun?”

Sousuke sputters around a mouthful of ice cream and chocolate sauce. “W-What?”

“Boys are so stupid.” Gou rolls her eyes but her voice is gentle. “A fake girlfriend knows when her fake boyfriend has fallen for someone else.” Her teeth clink on the spoon, a dab of cream left behind on her upper lip. “Or that he fell for that person long ago.” She slides a card across the table towards him; Sousuke belatedly notices her fingernails are painted and have designs of Iwatobi’s ugly-ass mascot character on them. When did she grow up?

“ _Call him_.” The Matsuoka sparkle is back in her eyes (mascara-framed eyes!), as if he had never seen it dim and die when Rin deserted them. If the relay and the change in Rin could heal her this much already, then maybe….

“I’ll give it some thought,” Sousuke says, tucking the card into his pocket and dabbing her mouth with a napkin. “But don’t tell him you’ve seen me, Bitty, please.” Gou’s face scrunches up in protest; while Rin needed the Iwatobi crew to restore his love for swimming, he needs Sousuke just as much, she thinks, and Sousuke needs him, it’s in his eyes. They’re both stubborn stupidheads for avoiding each other this long, but if Gou has gained one bit of knowledge in her tenure as Iwatobi’s manager, it is just how prevalent the stupidhead gene is in high school boys. Rin wouldn’t take Sousuke’s cell number from her, either. “Where is Samezuka Gakuen again? Maybe I’ll just show up sometime and surprise him….”

 

* * *

 

It’s cold on the fall term’s last day, and Sousuke wonders if the ache in his shoulder is the beginnings of arthritis. His latest MRI shows his rotator cuff is still intact, for now, and the inflammation has all but disappeared from the joint and surrounding tissue. Swimmer’s shoulder can heal in time, but it requires just as much discipline as what caused the injury. He has quit the competitive swimming since regionals and goes to therapy at least three times a week. He still weight lifts, but nothing that will strain his right shoulder. Rin has been a constant nag about wearing his brace but a welcome one; Sousuke knows that’s how shark-boy shows he cares.

For the first time in forever, he is staring into a future that’s wholly unknown. A future that doesn’t contain swimming and doesn’t contain swimming with Rin. It would be exciting, if he can get past the abject terror and the urge to throw up. Rin has been his compass, his lodestone for so long, Sousuke has absolutely no idea where to go next. Part of him longs to simply follow Rin--to Australia, if need be--and part of him longs to run away until the tastes of shame and failure leave his mouth. His desperation to make Rin’s dream come true resulted in the one thing he hates most: Rin crying, Rin sharing in his pain and shedding the tears he can’t quite force from his own eyes. He didn’t lie to Rin, swimming with him all-out with no regrets had become his new dream, one they fulfilled together. It was never about winning or losing the relay, but about seeing that sight he’d never seen, about transcending friendship into _nakama_ and finding strength in that bond of four. That, he finally understands, and while he’s now jealous that Rin shared something that intimate with another group (even if it’s kind of his own fault for rejecting the relay in elementary school), he knows what Rin meant when he said that the illegal relay saved him.

Maybe, just maybe, there’s room for a new dream they can share. The brochures in his backpack from colleges are a step in that direction. Mid-January is the national exam and Sousuke is determined not to have a ronin year; cram school fills what used to be his training time. Kyoto University and Tokyo Metropolitan are his top choices to study physical therapy and athletic training, but he’s leaning towards TMU. Rin will have to return to Japan in two years if he wants to make the national team, and Tokyo is the logical place for him to put down roots. U of Sydney had been a strong consideration, their physical therapy program is top-notch, but...their school term starts in early February and he will not be graduated yet. Rin’s acceptance there is through the swim team, which means he can go after graduation at Samezuka, work part-time, and train until the second term without being behind on his course track. Rin’s ultimate goal isn’t a degree, after all, but Sousuke needs one to go forward.

“You packed yet?” Rin vaults down from the top bunk; they switched--without Sousuke’s consent, at that--after regionals. Some nights they curl up together in the bottom bunk, Rin on his side and head pillowed against Sousuke’s left shoulder. Always the left, even in the Sano Elementary days. Rin’s hair is snugged back at the nape of his neck in a ponytail and he’s in street clothes, a familiar light blue shirt layered between two others, cuffs peeking out and covering all but the tips of Rin’s fingers.

“Oi, Moe Sleeves, will you stop stealing my shirt already?” Sousuke throws the one thing on the bed he hasn’t packed--his small green towel--at Rin left-handed. It floops dejectedly somewhere short of the intended target. Rin takes one look at the crumpled projectile and cracks up, sharp teeth in an absurd, snorty grin. “Stop laughing, asshole!”

“I’m...not...laughing!”

“Better than not crying.” Sousuke leans down and snags the towel, twirling it into a whip and popping Rin in the butt with it.

“Ow fuck ow, that hurts, idiot!” Rin tackles Sousuke (mindful of the shoulder, but still a tackle) and the tickle war is on. Now they’re both laughing at full volume, the dorm room they’ve shared since April echoing with mirth. Their roughhousing and antics would generally bring knocks at their door from Ai and Momo, but neither resident of room 201 has far to travel from Samezuka at winter break. Sousuke and Rin are probably the last ones left in the dorm this late. “Mom and Gou both have dates tonight, so it’s just us for Christmas Eve.”

“That sounds fine….wait, what? _Gou_ has a date?” Sousuke shoves Rin off him and sits up, shooting a poisonous glare at his best friend. “How did you let that happen? Bitty isn’t allowed to date, _ever_.”

“Don’t think I haven’t tried everything I could think of.” Rin scowls and rolls to his feet, brushing his hands off on his grey jeans. Sousuke’s bag fell off the bed in their battle and he bends to retrieve it, relocating it to the closest desk. “Mikoshiba-buchou has been warned that until he proves trustworthy, this is a one-off date and he’s to have her home by ten. She’s my baby sister, no one is good enough to date her. Not even you.”

“Not even me?” Sousuke repeats with amusement, the back of his mind already planning where to hide the body if it becomes necessary.

Rin reaches up and fidgets with the space between his layers of shirts, a small smile curving his mouth. “She finally told me about the whole fake-dating thing you guys did in middle school. I...don’t think I ever thanked you for the way you looked after her when I was gone. I really treated her like shit...no, I did it to both of you, even after I was back. I ignored her and I didn’t have the stones to contact you. If you hadn’t shown up here....” His fingernails and Sousuke’s empty desk are suddenly very, very interesting to look at. “I can’t go back and change it, but I can be aware and do my best to do better.”

“I’ll bump to that.” Sousuke holds his hand up, grinning when Rin meets his eyes and taps their knuckles together. “Since it’s just us, does that mean we get takeout?” His mouth waters at the thought of tonkatsu. There’s a little place two blocks from their stop on the train, right on the way to Rin’s house.

“Works for me. I haven’t been home to go grocery shopping so no telling what might or might not be at the house.” Rin hands Sousuke’s bag to him as they walk through the door. He pushes the key in the lock, the small bundle of them jangling as he secures their dorm room until after the new year. “Do you mind if we skip the cake this year? It’s always too sweet.”

“Remind me some year to get you a meat cake for Christmas.” That earns Sousuke a knee and Rin a headlock, the latter squawking as his precious hair is threatened. “Let’s move, I’m starving.”

 

* * *

 

“Ah, I am so full!” Sousuke leans back on the Matsuoka sofa, hands laced across his stomach in pure sated contentment. The carnage of their conquest lies on the low table, nothing but skeletons of empty takeout boxes with nary a blank space to be seen.

“You should be, after pounding four orders of tonkatsu. Where do you put it all, you beast?” Rin’s index finger jabs Sousuke in the side, eliciting a squirm.

“Hey, no tickling! It’s like swimming, you’re not supposed to do it for an hour after eating.” Sousuke scoots to the side, trying to defend his vulnerable ribs from Rin’s assault.

“Fine, fine, but you’re on the clock. One hour and then you are mine,” Rin teases, wiggling his fingers and grin sharpening every time Sousuke’s discomfort ratchets up. Often, Rin does not have to actually tickle him, just get close enough to tickle and Sousuke flinches. It is adorable and serves as Rin’s best defense in any knock-down drag-outs they have had over the years. Sousuke gives as good as he gets, but as long as Rin keeps his feet out of range he can eke out a win. His eyebrows draw down, something in the look on Sousuke’s face has nothing to do with the threat of impending tickle-torture. It is soft and nostalgic, birthing a warmth inside Rin that’s painful in its intensity. _You are mine_ , he hears his own voice repeat over and over. Rin swallows, teeth baring in a quick, deflecting “What?”

“I like it when you say I’m yours.” Sousuke’s downturned eyes are heavy-lidded but far from sleepy.

“H-How can you do that with a straight face?” Rin shoves Sousuke’s immovable thigh with his foot, scrambling off the couch. “Help me clean up and we’ll watch something.” He gathers takeout containers in a flurry, speeding into the kitchen without waiting for Sousuke to follow. The staccato rhythm of his heart thuds a frantic allegro as he crushes the foot pedal on the trash can. The lid raises with a groan, red plastic maw gaping to receive the trash, and Rin crams it inside, nearly ripping the bag in his haste.

“Here.” Sousuke holds a fresh liner, no mention made of the previous conversation. He takes their cups to the sink and washes them with brisk efficiency while Rin changes out the trash and ferries it to the outdoor bin. “Movie or TV?” he asks when Rin comes back inside.

“Either.” Rin sticks his hands under the running water and washes them, drying them absently on his pants. “My room, that way if there’s post-date kissing I don’t have to see it.”

“The romantic doesn’t like kissing? Duly noted.” Sousuke’s laughter echoes languid down the hall as Rin sprints after and smacks him on the back of the head with a damp hand. “Temper temper, RinRin.”

“Who asked you, asshole? Of course I like it, just not if it involves my mom or my sister. Gross.” He flips the light on in his room, fastidiously neat like every other Rin-space. It’s still decorated as it was in elementary school; Rin has only lived there maybe six months of the past six years and saw no point to waste time changing the decor.

He waves Sousuke towards the bed, the most comfortable spot in the room, and crouches to tug his laptop out. They can stream something from Showtime, maybe an English movie. Sousuke really needs to work on English before the national exam next month, Rin thinks. When he stands up, Sousuke’s shadow is still falling across the bed, turquoise eyes somewhere far away as he stares down at the faded comforter and the frolicking, leaping sharks on it. “Hey,” Rin says, touching Sousuke’s elbow and startling him out of his reverie. “Something wrong?

Sousuke shakes his head, tapping Rin’s fingers once with his own. “Nothing, nothing. Just some more of those phantoms of the past, I think. Remembering the last time we were here together.” Sousuke sits down and runs a hand over the old shark comforter. The two of them don’t fit on the bed as neatly as they used to, Sousuke leaning against the headboard and Rin cross-legged near the foot.

“Idiot,” Rin says, but it has no heat. “The past is the past, we only have the now and the now to come.” He puts the laptop on the desk and reaches down the side of the bed for his bag, pulling out a box awkwardly tied up in green silk that has seen better days and a tin of mints. “So, with the future in mind, open it. I opened first the last time we had Christmas, so it’s your turn.” The box lands with a toss in Sousuke’s hands, three mints disappear into Rin’s mouth.

Sousuke turns the box over in his hands, long fingers stroking with reverence over the worn silk and the lumpily-tied knots. “This is...the furoshiki I put your last present in?” Wonder and amazement bloom in the depths of Sousuke’s eyes, so deep that Rin thinks he could drown in them, pulled in and in and in by their Caribbean magnetism. “I didn’t know that you kept it all this time.”

Something burns deep in Rin’s chest and he looks away, fingernails scratching the top of one reddening ear. “That’s why it’s so tatty looking. I took it with me to Australia and then last year...I folded and rolled it up and wore it as an ankle bracelet. I’ve always heard that furoshiki is as much a gift as what’s inside them, and that gift meant so much to me that I wanted the wrapping for it close, too.”

“Romantic, huh?” Sousuke can’t resist an open teasing opportunity.

“Shut up.” Rin’s face flushes to the roots of his hair. “Just open it and stop embarrassing me.”

“Rin, I will never stop embarrassing you.” Sousuke’s smile is all teeth, irrepressible and smug; it’s a perfect cover for the thundering of his heart and the trembling of his hands as he works the clumsy knot. Rin kept the wrapping for that special gift, even took it to Australia with him. Rin still wears the necklace more often than not when he’s out of school uniform.

The green melts away with a silken sigh into a small box. Inside it is a jewelry box. He pushes the hinged top back to reveal a familiar silver pendant and brown leather cord. Rin’s necklace. Rin’s magic spell. “I…”

“Did you know that the Misagozaki priest remembered you bringing that to him?” Color still decorates Rin’s face and he can’t quite look directly at Sousuke. “And he remembered what you told him about me.” Shark teeth bare with annoyance, distaste curling Rin’s face into a scowl. “I can’t believe your entire description of me was ‘he has a girly name and he cries easily’.”

Sousuke waves his hands in front of him in defense. “I said more than that, really!”

“Riiight, sure you did. But that was the only memorable part.” Rin shifts in his cross-legged position, fingers nervously laced together in his lap. “He remembered, and he asked if I’d kept the necklace the whole time. I said I had and that it had protected me...not from being stupid or selfish, I don’t think any blessing could protect me from that, but it helped me never to forget my dream, even when I was ready to give it up for good. So I asked him to cleanse it and put a new blessing on it, for the person who always knew what I needed, who knew me better than I knew myself.”

_“It’s my turn to support him. He didn’t really want me to go back then, I know that, but he didn’t try to hold on to me or put unreasonable guilt on me. He did his best to let go and pave the way for me so I could follow my dream. This gift,” Rin clutches the necklace in both hands, feeling the tears starting to build, “has helped and guided me the whole time, even when I was too embarrassed and ashamed by my failures to reach out to him. My friend...destroyed his shoulder in trying to follow my dream and live it with me.”_

_The words keep coming, picking up speed and racing the silver memories running from his eyes. “We can’t swim together again, not like that, and it hurts **so** much, but I know however much it hurts me it hurts him so much more because he’s had to go through so much of it alone.” The sobs tear through him, Rin crushing the heel of one hand against his eye as if it can stem the tide. “I’m going to have to make this dream come twice as true for us, and to pave the way for his new dream. I don’t know for certain what that is yet, but I need to help him. I need...to be for him what he has been for me. I need to be there.”_

_A warm hand rests on Rin’s shoulder, quiet support in the touch. No censure, no attempt to silence his emotions. It simply accepts and allows them to run their course. “You are both very fortunate to have a friend who cares so much,” the old priest finally says, the whisper of a few memories in his own voice. “I think I know just what blessing will help support your friend. Taking a new road can be scary, but it’s a less frightening journey when it isn’t taken alone.” He pats Rin’s shoulder, waiting for the shudders in the Samezuka-clad boy’s breath to slow.  “Once I’ve blessed this for your friend...do you think you could help me look for a Kobayashi Kaede on Facebook?” He pulls out a cellphone from his robes, hesitance and hope in his experienced eyes. “It’s time I found my friend again.”_

_Rin smiles through his tears. “Of course I can.”_

Sousuke’s face brims with nostalgia as he lifts the pendant out of the box, cupping it in one hand and tracing the magic spell on the back. It seems to almost spark at his touch, Rin’s energy responding to him, welcoming him, beckoning him. It’s too much jumbling inside Sousuke to express, and he raises his eyes to Rin with a sudden smirk. Two can play at misdirection. “You cried, didn’t you?”

“No!” Rin shouts back, too quickly, too defiantly.

“Rin…”

“Okay, I cried a _little_. And it was definitely not any of that ugly, messy crying. I’ve outgrown that.” He exhales upwards and stirs his hair, the perfect picture of righteous indignation and denial.

“You’ve grown a lot in the past three days, then. I thought you were going to drown me when we watched the last episodes of Ririka for old times’ sake.”

“Fucking shut it, Sousuke! I wasn’t the only one crying.”

Sousuke clears his throat and looks away, annoyed at having the tables turned yet again. It’s not his fault that the moment Ririka chooses her endgame destiny and Seiya begs her not to go always jabs a sensitive nerve with direct connections to his tear ducts. Or that Ririka and Rin are irrevocably linked in his mind by now.

Rin’s limber hands take the pendant from him, smoothing over any awkwardness. It is surreal, as if the clock has wound back six years and their Christmas positions are reversed. It’s Rin who pulls the leather to make it longer, Rin who cants his head just _so_ as he slips the necklace onto Sousuke, Rin who adjusts it to the right length and pats it against Sousuke’s chest to seal the spell. “It helped me to never forget my dream, now it’s going to help you find yours. I...can’t lie, I wish our dream was still the same, but it isn’t. You may be able to return to swimming someday, but you can’t wait around for that dream, not when there are so many amazing things you could do. If working with your dad is what you really want to do, I’m totally behind you, you know?” Crimson eyes seem to be looking into the depths of Sousuke’s soul, laying him bare, naked, unable to hide. “But...there’s a whole big world with a lot of opportunities, and no matter which one you pick, _everything will definitely be all right_. Don’t hesitate, just go for it.”

Sousuke can’t help himself, his hand moves without his brain’s permission and captures Rin’s face in its warmth, thumb stroking the plane of a prominent cheekbone. “...when did you grow up and learn to give amazing motivational speeches? Because when you tell me everything will be all right, I believe it without hesitation.” Their faces are close, dangerously close, it would take so little to close the gap between them.

“It’s the buchou voice,” Rin purrs. “It’s meant to motivate.” He, too, leans closer, the distance between them shrinking bit by bit...until he can swipe a wet lick across Sousuke’s nose.

“Fuckit, Rin, gross!” Sousuke scrubs his nose free of shark-slobber.

Remorseless, Rin whoops with laughter, face flushed. “You should have seen your face! You looked so serious, I just had to lighten things up a bit. Besides, that’s payback for calling me an over-the-top romantic when you gave me the necklace.”

“You remembered?”

“Of course I did. I always remember the important stuff.” Their eyes meet in a significant look and they both fly into the secret handshake, ending with a fistbump. “I don’t know that I’ve ever come out and said it, but it’s been amazing having you here with me. Like everything in my life has finally fit together again.” Rin toys with the necklace, lashes downcast over his eyes. “Like everything will definitely be all right.”

“So sentimental.” Sousuke gently flicks Rin’s forehead. “But...I agree. I wanted to spend my last year in high school here, even if I lied about after high school. Nothing really turned out like I planned...and that’s okay. Definitely okay.”

“Brat.” Rin rubs his affronted forehead, shark-teeth grinning. He squirms just away and stretches his hand towards the desk, fumbling for the drawer, but the angle is all wrong and he can’t reach without falling. With a growl, he reluctantly slides off the bed to better reach it. “Part two.”

“Two?” Sousuke’s eyes widen and he quickly covers it with a smirk. “You really are determined to outdo me this time.”

“Well, more than two…” Rin amends. “This is sort of the ‘all those years we didn’t spend Christmas together’ gift.” He hands Sousuke a large manila envelope and a smaller white one, sitting back beside him on the bed. “Open the little one first.”

Sousuke obliges, threading his thumb under the flap and whisking it open, earning a paper cut in the process. “Fuck!” he swears, stuffing his thumb in his mouth and sucking. It isn’t bleeding much but it stings like hell.

“Shit! Sorry!” It doesn’t stop the snort of laughter from Rin, even with a fist pressed to his mouth to stem the mirth. “You just look so silly like that, the way you used to suck your thumb when you slept.”

“I did not!” Sousuke bristles with affront.

“Every sleepover until fifth grade, loser! Here,” Rin holds out a hand in clear demand for the envelope. He practically vibrates from his perch next to Sousuke, and Sousuke finds himself  touched at being the focus of Rin’s restless energy and anticipation. He isn’t a superstitious person, but the silver pendant against his chest seems to grow warmer the longer he wears it, as if it it, too, is channeling Rin’s heat. “You might say the necklace is our past, and this is our present.” Rin tugs out a cream-colored chunk of heavy stapled cardstock bearing a red and white circular logo with a stylized kangaroo on it. He presses it into Sousuke’s hands, fingertips lingering before withdrawing.

From years of internet searches, Sousuke recognizes the Qantas logo; a sudden shiver trembles through him. “Rin...this is…”

“Yeah, it is. An open-ended ticket to Australia.” Somehow Rin manages to look proud and embarrassed at the same time, his crimson eyes burning with honesty. “I’m not leaving you behind again.” Fierce heat suffuses his voice, his long fingers threaded together in his lap, knuckles white. The old-fashioned wall clock in Rin’s room ticks loudly, each passing second a thudding interval. “Even if it was because of my stupid pride before, I can’t do that again. I won’t.”

 _I’m not leaving you behind again_. The words echo inside him, filling Sousuke with a warmth he craves, filling emptiness that has existed for six long years. He has wanted, _needed_ to hear Rin say just that. “Rin….it’s amazing, maybe even more amazing than this,” Sousuke’s long fingers stroke with care over the pendant, mindful of the covenant between them it represents, “but I can’t accept it.” It kills him to say the words, to crush yet another willful, selfish, unspoken dream of his, but Sousuke can’t ignore reality. The Matsuoka family possesses no great fortune, and even with Rin’s academic and athletic scholarships sending him to Samezuka has meant financial sacrifice in other areas. “Tickets are so expensive, and if anyone should go to see you in Australia, it’s your mother or Gou.”

“They are expensive,” Rin admits, “but that ticket is for you and only you. I’ll rip it in half and throw it away if you won’t use it.”

“What?”

“Look at the original date on it.”

Sousuke turns it over in his hand, searching for something resembling a date. He finds the issue date under his romanized name. “Four days before regionals...you mean…?” Ocean eyes glance up at Rin, filled with a hesitant, fragile hope.

“Yeah. You were the one meant to go to Australia with me, not Haru. I called my old coach and told him about you after the night we raced, how you could beat even me in butterfly.” Rin frowns through his smile, rubbing his neck. “Okay, that sounds so much more arrogant when I say it out loud, but I’m getting off the subject. I knew you said you’d been scouted, but...I wanted to see if there was any way to get you to come to Australia for school.” His crimson eyes glow with a light that enraptures Sousuke, the light he’s always wanted to protect and shelter. “I had my pitch down, a shit-ton of logical reasons you’d never be able to argue with, but the one I wanted most to say was...that I wanted you there with me, living out the dream as we took the international stage by storm.” The smile fades altogether, leaving only the wistful frown. “Then…”

“...you found out,” Sousuke finishes, the enchantment broken. He fumbles for the necklace, suddenly needing to feel the words on it for reassurance. “I didn’t want you to know until your future was secure. I didn’t want to hold you back or let you down.”

“...am I telling this story or are you?” Rin’s eyebrows are fierce slashes, his teeth bared. “You’re getting ahead of me and putting words and motivations in my mouth after I’ve tried so hard to get them all together.” Sousuke nods, accepting the chastisement with a modicum of chagrin. “I’d already planned to go to Australia during the team’s break and meet with my old coach, to apologize and ask him to let me join the team at U of Sydney...and to have him interview another talented swimmer for the university team. He sent me two tickets, and I got them not long after regionals.”

Remembering regionals still makes Rin’s throat tight, his eyes burn with the utter _unfairness_ of the situation, how Sousuke did nothing to deserve what happened except being _too_ good, _too_ motivated, _too fucking stubborn to quit_. He sniffs hard, defiantly, refusing to let his emotions derail everything he needs to say. “Which wasn’t the right time for me to bring up swimming or even school with you, so I asked him to change yours. It’s good for whenever you want to come, to visit or even someday if you’re able to give swimming another shot. It’s an invitation but not an obligation.” Long fingers tuck a stray strand of raspberry-red hair behind one of Rin’s ears, staying behind to fiddle nervously with the lobe. “I need _you_ , Sousuke, in the water or not. I intend to live out my dream, but I’m not giving you up again to do it.”

“But Nanase…”

“...is pursuing swimming in Tokyo, not Australia,” Rin says with finality. “But I don’t want to talk about Haru on our Christmas Eve. The ticket’s yours, your passport’s still good?” Sousuke nods, Rin’s words still swirling in a hazy cloud around his head. “Then open the last part. The future part.”

The large envelope is addressed to Yamazaki Sousuke, care of Matsuoka Rin, but no return address or postage. Sousuke opens the clasp, sliding out a stack of papers. The top one bears the logo of the University of Sydney and Sousuke’s romanized name and it’s this one he keeps, putting the rest on the desk. It’s all in English, one of Sousuke’s weakest subjects, and he stares at the words, trying to organize them into a semblance of sense. “I...don’t think I can read it,” he admits, sighing in unhappy frustration. He hates being weak or lesser in front of Rin. “Would you tell me what it says?”

“We’ve got to work on your English, man.” Rin takes the letter, crimson gaze searching Sousuke’s face. “You still have to pass the national exam, which will be cake as hard as you’ve studied,” he adds, laughing, because Rin’s confidence in Sousuke is absolute and something as minor as one determines-your-whole-academic-future exam surely cannot stop him, “but this is a provisional acceptance to the University of Sydney’s physical therapy program.”

“Rin, I didn’t apply there.” _I was afraid to_. “I filled out the application, but I threw it away.”

The letter goes back on top of the stack and Rin’s hand lands feather-light on Sousuke’s good shoulder. “I pulled it out of the trash and sent it in for you. I wrote your admissions essay, too. While you’ve been focused on what to do after graduation and how to get there, for once I just watched and kept quiet. I looked out for all the signs I was so blind to before. I snooped in your browser history to see what you wanted to study. I can tutor you in English, immersion is pretty much the best way.” The lamp in Rin’s room seems to catch every gold and silver sparkle in those Matsuoka eyes, ruby brilliance on fire with contagious excitement. “I’m not deciding this for you, Sousuke, but I’m giving you another option. I’ll tutor you no matter what,” Rin barrels on, desperately thrusting more words into the gap of Sousuke’s continued silence. “Everyone says the English part of the national exam is the hardest and sends the most people to ronin years-...!”

If Rin was a cat, all his hair would be standing straight up in surprise as Sousuke’s arms close tight around him, burying Rin’s nose in a faintly cologne-scented shoulder corded with strength. “Shut up for a minute, okay?” He feels more than hears Sousuke’s tight voice as it rumbles through his skin, each slow breath Sousuke takes seems to further saturate the room with his presence. “Give me a chance to thank you for all this. I’m...overwhelmed,” the arms holding him tremble, one large hand paws at the back of Rin’s head, “and I’m incredibly, incredibly happy. I...ah, it’s stupid, but I thought….”

They aren’t quite able to know each other’s thoughts the way Makoto and Haru do, but he and Sousuke can read each other’s body language with striking accuracy. (Rin knows that was one reason he avoided contacting Sousuke for so long, Sousuke would know at a glance just what was wrong with him. Only in staying out of sight could they each keep their secrets, and hadn’t that blown up in both their faces at regionals when he finally _looked_ and figured out Sousuke’s shoulder?) Tension curls under Sousuke’s skin, anxious and gnawing, the strength a mask for insecurities unspoken, and then Rin _knows_.

“...you thought that if you can’t swim I wouldn’t need you anymore? That I would just turn around and leave again?” Sousuke’s arms tighten, his chest expands in an uncertain breath, and the cheek pressed to the top of Rin’s head dips once in a silent nod.

“And going to Australia with Haru reinforced that thought, even though we talked about it before I left?” Another silent nod.

“That’s...not stupid.” The admission feels like poison in his mouth and it’s muffled against Sousuke’s shoulder, but Rin can’t dismiss it, can’t make light of Sousuke’s feelings now that they’re in the open. It’s a valid leap of logic and theory based on past events. “I sure haven’t given you much reason to think otherwise, have I?” Rin blows out a hot sigh, rubbing his forehead against hard muscle. “I’m sorry...for so much. There’s a lot of lost time that we can’t get back.” He chews at his bottom lip, trying to organize thoughts into words.

“You said it yourself, the past is past.” Sousuke hasn’t loosened his grip, but his body next to Rin’s relaxes, drained of tension by Rin’s unexpected, heartfelt apology. “And the future is where we’re going. I have a lot to think about and a lot to consider. I don’t want to do it on emotion, but if I make the decision just with my gut, I’m going where you’re going. Can’t let a well-written essay go to waste.”

“...it _was_ a very good essay,” Rin says without a speck of his normal arrogance. He turns Sousuke’s grasp into a mutual hug, wiry arms clinging to him with relief. It...feels good to finally apologize, to clear some of the muddled air and lay down some of the guilt-burdens they both carry. “Give it some thought, passing the national exam is the most important thing.” He claps Sousuke on the back twice, reluctantly pulling away. There’s so much of what is in these gifts for Sousuke that could come off clingy and cloying and needy, but now that all is revealed, Rin feels strangely...free, not self-conscious in the slightest. The abandoned laptop catches his eye and he snorts on a laugh. “Weren’t we going to watch something?”

Sousuke stretches, long arms over his head, shoulder brace visible beneath his pullover when he shifts from side to side. “In a bit, I have something else in mind.” He moves as if to stand, legs over the side of the bed, but thinks better of the idea and stays seated. One foot, the left, jiggles absently.

“Yeah?”

“I want to settle our five-year promise.” Sousuke frowns at the ceiling, doing the math in his head. “Though I think it’s really six years by now.”

Rin gapes open-mouthed at Sousuke, frozen like a shark with tonic immobility. “Che,” he finally says when he reboots, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, “you are really greedy today after all of this.” He shakes his head, short ponytail whisking behind his ears, and scoots to sit next to Sousuke on the edge of the bed. “Fine, but if you say you want a cola for it, I’m punching you.”

“It’s not a cola,” Sousuke’s smile is wry but genuine, and he hopes Rin doesn’t notice the way his hands are shaking in his lap. “You said you’d give me anything I wanted. Anything.” It is the second time he has said that to Rin this school year, and Sousuke finally, _finally_ knows what he really wants. What he has always wanted. What each and every one of those Christmas gifts were meant to say, even before he realized it himself. “Will you give me your heart?”

There is no welling up, no denial; tears simply flow into instant existence, cascading in buckets down Rin’s face. “Do you think I could do that over a _bet_?” His voice is thick, the words almost choking him as they hitch out of his throat. “Stupid Sousuke…” Rin knees him, hard, face dropping into his hands. “Stupid _fucking_ Sousuke.”

“Rin!” _Don’t cry...I’m sorry...I take it back...I can never take it back...I love you, you fucking idiot!_

 “....besides,” Rin raises a drippy, blotchy, _beautiful_ face to Sousuke, “I can’t give you something that’s already yours.”

The air leaves Sousuke’s lungs in a strangled noise and then his lips are on Rin’s, kissing, seeking, crashing with need and joy and want and pain, so much pain because he’s bitten his own tongue in the process and he can’t so much as stop to care. Rin tastes of salty tears and sugar free mints and _home_ , Sousuke’s sure this is quite possibly the worst first kiss in the history of first kisses but Rin’s tongue is lacing with his, his moe sleeves are scrabbling against Sousuke’s ears as Rin seizes greedy handfuls of Sousuke’s hair and _plunges_ into his mouth, driving him back against the comforter and sprawling across his body. Rin is a shark and he’s tasted blood and he wants _moremoreMORE_. They fight and they compete and they fall deeper into each other, a feeding frenzy of kisses and groans that seems to stretch into forever, broken only by a mutual gasp for breath.

“....I should have….kissed you like this six years ago, on this bed.” Sousuke can’t stop the reckless, nervous lacing of his fingers through Rin’s hair. The ponytail holder is lost somewhere, the cherry warmth flowing over his hands in time with his frantic pulse.

“Our last Christmas together?” Rin’s voice is deeper than normal, husky and honeyed in a way that goes straight to Sousuke’s groin. His eyes are in full lunar eclipse, hugely black in the centers and blood-red at the edges.  Swollen lips give way to a laugh as Rin kisses the tip of Sousuke’s nose. “You would have definitely gotten my cold then, idiot or not.”

Six years of self-conscious heat pushes up the vee of Sousuke’s pullover, splashing in waves across his face as he looks away. “I did anyways, missed hatsumode and everything. Thought I was going to die. But you had already moved in with your grandmother and so I didn’t tell you.”

“I guess I shouldn’t call you idiot anymore, idiot.” Rin purrs it like an endearment, his hips sliding against the firming heat of Sousuke’s crotch, so at odds with the chaste kiss he presses against Sousuke’s mouth. “But you need to tell me things, and I need to tell you things, too. No more hiding, no more lying.” He traces over dark eyebrows with a finger, slow, achingly slow, the lust in ruby-red eyes turning soft with adoration. “I’ve known it for so long, how I really felt about you, but somehow I couldn’t quite hope you’d feel the same way, or that even if I told you that you’d take me seriously. We don’t exactly have a history of serious except competing.”

“But that is what makes us _us_. Going from hot kissing to hot arguments to hot throwdowns, this,” Sousuke makes an absent back-and-forth gesture between the two of them, “it changes nothing. I’m still your idiot, and you’re still my romantic swimming maniac.” He arches under Rin just enough to brush their lips together, savoring the inquisitive swipe of tongue Rin makes against the seam of his lips. “But now we can kiss...and so forth.”

“I like the idea of ‘so forth’.” Rin’s hand tiptoes up to Sousuke’s hair, ruffling it back and forth between his fingers. Perhaps it is a boyfriend thing as well as a mother thing, Sousuke thinks, losing himself in the warmth of Rin’s eyes. “But it puts a whole new spin on us throwing down for the bottom bunk.”

They both crack up, foreheads colliding and profanities flying. “Well,” Sousuke manages through laughter, “since we’re more or less sharing the bottom bunk now, I suppose we can trade off?”

“You’re on.” Rin’s voice gets tight and watery, and Sousuke thinks that _this_ is the type of crying he doesn’t mind, because it’s underlined with Rin’s fire, Rin’s passion, Rin’s _love._ Sousuke brushes tears off Rin’s lower lashes, no one has a right to look so beautiful in happy tears. But it’s Rin, Rin who looks beautiful to him always. Rin, who claims another fierce kiss, wet and sloppy with emotion as he takes everything Sousuke offers. Rin, who gives back everything he takes and turns it into everything Sousuke needs. Rin, who curls his face in near Sousuke’s ear, murmuring thick confessions. “You’re my Seiya, you’re my Syaoran, it’s always been you.”

“Rin?” Sousuke breathes back, his voice at its deepest, darkest, most seductive. “Why are you always the girl?”

“Shut _up_ , stupid Sousuke!” In retaliation, Rin bites his ear, and Sousuke thinks he can get used to this sort of sharp foreplay.

 

* * *

 

“...so let me sum up what we’ve concluded today. I should have kissed you six years ago, and you should not have left me behind six years ago, and somewhere in the intervening time one or both of us should have confessed? We are a pair of fucking idiots.”

“Oh no!” Rin’s grin is shark-merciless. “I am definitely a bigger idiot than you!”

“Don’t fuck around. I blew my shoulder and my swimming future to hell, so I think I am a much bigger idiot than you!”

“But I ran off to a new school in the last term, and left the bloody country in order to lose my self-worth! I don’t think a busted shoulder can ever compare to that much idiocy!”

“You’re not the only school-changer here, RinRin. I left a prestigious Tokyo swimming school to come to some remote small-town dog-paddle kiddie-pool school so I could find you and finally see some _nakama_ relay sight I’d never seen. My idiocy rivals the sun, it burns so bright!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“....wanna throw down for it?” they shout in tandem.

 

They fight and they compete, they are stupid and they are in love, it is the first Christmas of their future and _everything will definitely, definitely be all right_.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy to have shared my mahou shoujo junkie-ness with Rin, because it totally fits him. Young-Rin, especially, has that shoujo heroine charm and optimism. (And yes, if you've never seen Nurse Angel Ririka SOS, the first opening is a terribly sad and melancholy song. [Youtube link](https://youtu.be/YGk1SfdQfuk) for the song)
> 
> I am so weak against the shark otp. Come hit me up on Twitter or Tumblr and we'll talk about these dorks. I'm at [mienaihane](https://twitter.com/mienaihane) on Twitter and [mienaihane](http://mienaihane.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


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